You are not for everyone.

I mean, sure, we all liked to be liked.

But getting a “no” is actually very helpful. Why? Because “no” is unambiguous. It’s a clear answer. You are now free to exit stage left.

No just means your thing is not for them. (Wrong time, wrong offer, wrong candidacy, wrong price—doesn’t matter. It’s a no.)

Their no, however, doesn’t mean your thing is suspect, or wrong, or badly priced.

In fact, often “why” they said no isn’t that helpful for you to even know. (Seriously, skip the tortuous runner-up debriefs.)

Even assuming you can find out an honest reason, it won’t change the result. They said no.

Harness the power of rejection

Let’s look at a few scenarios where we often get a “no” and ask, how might you reframe it? How can you convert this “no” into something positive?

As a Job Candidate
So, you didn’t get the job. Disappointing, right? Sure, probably. (Sometimes though, not getting the job comes with a weird feeling of relief—which, counterintuitively, my clients always find surprising and personally illuminating! There are life lessons all around us…)

But, back to your “no.” This “no” has now freed up a lot of space for your job search to continue.

You can consolidate what you learned from this round. And, while you can’t see it yet, the reason this one didn’t go your way will reveal itself—down the road. Turns out, this job wasn’t supposed to be your destination, instead it was a setback to overcome. Keep going. Your next role dead ahead!

As a Business Owner
So, you didn’t land the sale. Frustrating, right? Probably. But, take a beat.

Maybe this “no” is trying to tell you something? Could it be redirecting your attention to the many “yeses” that are all around you?

Q: Where do you already often hear “yes”?
A: Your existing clients or customers.

They give you a big YES every day. Ask yourself, what do they love most about your service or product? What else might they need from you?

(Wait. Not sure? Go ask them. Seriously, phone them now. If you need a script, reach out—we’ll write one together in 15 mins.)

Here’s the thing: your existing, truly satisfied customers or clients are a gold mine of “yes”. They already know, like, and trust you. Here’s an idea. Why not forget chasing the new customer or client altogether for a while? Go offer more from those you already delight.

As a Non-Profit Leader
So, you didn’t land the grant / big donor / new government contract. Upsetting, right? Yes, probably, for sure. You and your team worked hard on it. You want to grow—to advance your cause.

But, what if this “no” was a different kind of gift?

You have limited time, money, people, and resources. While growth can mean more money, it can also be achieved in other ways.

For example, growing your capacity to meet the needs of those you serve is also expansive.

Ask, in what unexpected ways can you reinvest in what you are already doing? How could you add to the capacity of your staff or volunteers? Can you inject more time, or flexibility, or availability, or space, into a schedule, a workweek, or a catchment through redesigning or reimagining a longstanding program? What novel partner could join you in a mutually beneficial way? How can this “no” be reframed as an act of generosity, creativity, or innovation?

As a Board Chair
So, you didn’t get the answers you wanted from management. They said “no”—that it couldn’t be done, was too ambitious, was not the right solution. Troubling, right?

Your fellow directors are now frustrated and so you go in camera. As the temperature rises, and the appetite for retaliation grows, you ask for a pause.

What is really being communicated by this “no”?

Is management overwhelmed, or otherwise preoccupied? Could the board be out of step with the business or pushing too hard? What’s causing the misalignment, and is this a one-off or is this a pattern?

The “no” is a gift. It’s a PAUSE sign, an invitation for the board to self-reflect, ask better questions of itself and of the CEO. This can be a chance to circle back and explore strategy, or review the current state of their relationship with management, and amongst themselves.

Embrace the Power of “no”

So take the “no” as a great relief. Let it be a teacher, a question, a guide, an advocate.

You are now free and clear to move on to other things. And that’s the real trick of using the power of “no” to your advantage.

Move on. Don’t look back, or get stuck. Don’t stew. Or hang around like a sad ghost, hoping to be seen.

They weren’t your people, it wasn’t the right answer or project or opportunity—it just wasn’t your moment.

Bank your no, and slide on by. Around the corner is your next yes.